Thom and Sam Rainer have written an important book called Essential Church in which they explore the reasons why millions of Americans have stopped attending church. Most of these people would say, “I just didn’t see church as essential to my life.” Why?
Generally, people drop out shortly after entering college. It’s not the fault of higher education. Rather, many people discover, “My faith is not my parent’s faith.” If we explore that statement further, the Rainiers explain, “In our surveys, most young adults indicated they had positive family perceptions about the church.” The families of 76% of those surveyed attended church regularly, and 73% had parents who genuinely like the church. So if their families like church and attended worship, why do they drop out so soon after leaving home?
“The dropouts see spiritual hypocrisy in their own family. … Parents are not saying as they do … children are not receiving spiritual guidance from their parents.” In other words, while parents may be living Christian lives, they are not talking about spiritual matters with their children. “Teens must hear regularly from their parents or guardians as well as seeing their actions. Do as I do, and hear what I say.”
Unfortunately, we might be our own worst enemy. It might just be that by providing youth activities and youth ministers, we shrug off our responsibility to teach our children. “Pawning off the teaching and discipling of a child to the church without providing parental insight results in a greater chance of that child’s dropping out of the church. … Almost eight out of ten students who stayed in the church stated their parents or family members gave them direct spiritual guidance. … The children of the church need their parents to talk to them about spiritual matters. The doing of church must be accompanied by the telling of why it is important.” That’s not the youth minister’s job. That’s our responsibility as parents.
I highly recommend reading the book Essential Church, but the -Rainiers’ observation only repeats what Moses said many years ago: “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise,” (-Deuteronomy 6:6, 7).